chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My ass is underappreciated
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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