i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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