i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
