he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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