I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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