Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
