dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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