those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
