If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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