I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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