I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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