she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
