i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
