So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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