Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
