I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
