I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
