Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
