Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
