If i come over, it means nothing
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
