I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Operation Purity has been aborted
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
