Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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