Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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