I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
