If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
