He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
