Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
