So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
