You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
