he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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