By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
