I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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