So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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