Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
