My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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