he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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