its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
