It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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