Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
