you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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