dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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