Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I want is dick and wine.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
