do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
