I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
