I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
