im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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