No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
