I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
