How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
