Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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