soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
