Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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