um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
