You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
