Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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